Who follows the rules?!!

Ok so about 6 months ago I had a friend sit down and seriously talk with me about relationships and this is basically what she said, “Have you ever heard of The Rules Heather? It’s a book my mom gave to me about dating and how to pick up men. I thought it was a load of crap but read it anyways…and POOF! My boyfriend would move mountains for me. He is totally head over heels in love with me and I know it’s because I followed The Rules”. Me: "Ummm, ok," Well ...I had to at least give it a peek. . . (Pshhh single women will try ANYTHING right???) lol!!

I know I know, it makes me sound like i’m in a super dooper hurry to lock down a man. That’s NOT the case ladies, don’t lose faith in me. I am fine at the place I am at… But, I am a firm believer that it’s good to explore different worlds of thought—-whether it be with politics, religion, fashion and why not how to date or snag a man Right? Hey, I’m open to hear what Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have to say. Apparently, they are in “loving” and “healthy” relationships w/ their men…so, I say, it could be a waste of a couple hours or it could be the best trip to hastings and $9.99 I ever spent in my life if these little words of wisdom end up working out and I find the nerd of my dreams. So I decided to rock out, Move Like Jagger, and read me some RULES!

OK, so I got 5 pages in and fell asleep with my mouth open (gross…) Plus, after the 5 pages, all they kept repeating was how if you follow the rules you’ll “find your soul mate”…SNOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZE. After my cat nap I woke back up and looked at the book again and gave it another go. Whatever right, it did have a fatty diamond rock on the front (#allgirlslikediamondseveniftheywontadmitit). It says, The real truth: Treat the guy you like as if you don’t like him that much at all. WOW apparently we’re going back to 1st grade. But if it worked for Ellen, Sherrie, and their friends Its got to work right?!! HAHA

For giggles Let’s go over some of the RULES :

Rule #3—-Dont’ stare at Men or Talk Too Much. BOOM I’m done right here. I tend to be a bit of a creeper and I talk FAR too much. Not really about myself, but about EVERYTHING else under the sun. I’m dead. I should quit now. Soul mate=never to be found. Thanks alot Ellen and Sherrie…jerks!!
Ok, Ok, lemme check out the next rules…
Rule #4: Don’t meet him halfway or go dutch on a date. DEAD IN THE WATER AGAIN. I have a problem with always doing the wallet grab and managing to be out with the dudes that actually accept the offer on the bill. F…Me + the Rules = Epic Fail.
Ok, there are like 20 more, I have to be doing a couple.
Rule #5: Don’t Call and Rarely Accept his calls. BAM! I WIN. I never initiate the calls, and I like to make a guy call me twice. I HATE the idea of being needy, desperate, or too available. Always have. I never drunk dial a guy after we’ve broken up, I never double dip, and I REALLY don’t initiate phone calls. These behaviors are not my style. Wahoo. Me =1 and The Rules = like 23.
Rule #15, don’t rush into Sex or other intimacy. I’m not perfecto, but i am actually pretty good with this one (#yourbodyisyourtemplepeeps),
Rule #20, Be Honest but Mysterious. I’m actually more mysterious than you would think (cause i’m loud), but I keep mystery. I don’t like everyone knowing my business.
Rule #25, Practice Practice Practice getting good at the Rules…(OK I will sheesh.)

Rule #33, Follow the Rules and you’ll live happily ever after. We’ll just see about that E bone and S Bomb. Let’s see if these RULES are actually something worth noting.

Apparently, i’m supposed to have a separate schedule for dates 1-3 and 4-6. (1-3), I’m supposes to be quiet, observant, and sweet (i’m screwed). End the date first, kiss appropriately, and not act too interested. If he is going to ask me out for Saturday, he has to lock plans down by Wednesday. No dating more than once in a week and absolutely NO spur of the moment meet ups. Apparently “i’m busy and in high demand” and am not available at the drop of a hat. This actually not to sound idiotic, it’s really true (how am I gonna do this dating stuff??)

Dates (4-6) you can be a little more like “yourself” (phew) and you can go on 2 dates in the same week. He can come up to your apartment or you can go up to his for a drink, but no hanky panky… (;-) ya ya ) According to the ladies, they should be hooked after date 6. They see you as their prize, they wanna win , and cherish you for life ( LOL and this actually works in real life? PSHHH where?!!!)

Dating using “THE RULES” = (Fail) – My Mission: To find a great fellow that I can be myself around (on the 8th date of course when I can be myself), eat delicious food, dance like a fool and meet someone who will take me home to mom….lol…. OK, READY GO!