One Night Stand....

I read all the best love stories by the age of sixteen, I thought I had found my salvation. By my senior year in high school, I felt like I had already had my share of crappy dating experiences, from the kid I dated freshman year who insisted on always wearing his varsity jacket when he had lettered in nothing, to the junior prom where I thought my best friend was secretly in love with me when he asked to be my date, only to publicly find out that was not the case. These experiences could have sucked, except, as I learned from all my single role models, from the hapless love stories to the outwardly glamorous and inwardly crazy Sex and the City ladies, dates should suck. It seemed to me, that the more intelligent and self-possessed a woman, the less she can navigate traditional boy-meets-girl setups. But that's all part of my charm, until I find the guy who falls in love with me.

A week or so back I had a friend talk to me about when women want a One Night Stand.

As always, I dug deep and asked some single women in my network about their thoughts on a One Night Stand.… Every female I spoke with I pretty much got the same responses from all. Out of all the women, maybe 2 had never had a one night stand BUT said they had considered it and attempted it a few times. From the other women, each of them used the words “I decided…” when describing their one night stands. I thought this was really interesting. This was interesting to me, cause what I think I discovered from my questioning was that most one night stands for women are PRE MEDITATED!!! Or at least women like to think so.

When it comes to one-night stands, men and women are poles apart. Guys just want, well, you know, while gals go to bed with the false impression of flattery and a craving for a feeling.

Most women when having a one night stand pre meditate it. The most common excuse is coming off a broken heart, insecure and wanted to just DO IT cause they thought it would shake the sad feelings. Never a good idea. BUT we tip toe into it anyway… Why? Because it’s fun, exciting, we go with the night and feel really, really good!!!! These are guys you meet while your out and there is an instant, fun and exciting connection. They aren’t guys who ask about your job or family during your meeting. They are guys who are light, exciting and just plain old fun! Ones who pull you into a world of excitment and enjoyment. It almost seems fitting to make out with them and be part of a fantasy world.
Sometimes, that is all women are looking for! A great guy to blow off steam with!

NOW FOR YOUR WARNING FRIENDS!!!

There are some people that you will not want to have a one night stand with because of the possible repercussions. At the top of this list is your co-workers. Your place of employment is great for meeting people to have relationships with, but a one night stand with a co-worker could make any future interactions with the two of you awkward. Other people to avoid when looking for a casual night of fun are friends, friends of your family, friends of your friends and especially friends' exes. These sorts of flings can come back to haunt you in numerous ways.

In conclusion most women are not hooking up in an effort to secure a long-term relationship, but because they feel flattered by the overnight proposition.

The next day they were mistaken.

Faith is a funny thing....

“You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, a white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true…”

My heart hurts as I write today’s blog, but not for myself. As most of you know I have been divorced for almost 4 years. I endured a lot of hard times and my marriage broke me down to the point I thought I would never return to who I was. I am fortunate in those times the people that surrounded me showed me compassion and held a mirror to my face to remind me how beautiful and great I was. They laughed at my jokes and cried with me in pain. I never returned to the Heather that I was before my marriage but, I did become someone even better than she ever was.

This blog is not about me though. I felt a lot of pain in those years but recently some of my best friends (my sisters if you will) are going through some of the same or maybe their stories are slightly different but I for some reason feel my heart breaking to pieces as their world changes around them. My girlfriend and I were talking the other day and we laughed because the reality of it is if you are so tied to a person and connected so emotionally you truly know what it is like to be so happy when their happy and to break when they break to miss someone because they are missing someone. As I sit here and think of these amazing women I think She is my friend. She's my family. My insides. She will be fine because she has to be fine. That's how important she is to me. To these women I know you may feel, deep down, that you're somehow flawed or broken. Wronged or fooled. Here is my advice to you..

Today is a new start I know that these days in your life seem like the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. Keep your head up and remember that this pain will not last forever even though it feels like it will.

Look at this time as an opportunity to restart your life, but on your terms. Take time to look to the future and think about what you really want (not what you think others expect you to be or do) and come up with a vision of your ideal new life. Then ask yourself "how" you can achieve that.

Don't allow others to make light of your situation. Don't lose your morals, ethics and values

Be aware of your vulnerability

Stick close to those who love you!

Do whatever you feel like doing. You know what you need the most...better than anyone. If you need flowers, buy them. Candles, light them. A walk, go for one. Go shopping, take a bath, listen to relaxing music, get a massage. You deserve it!

And lastly, learn to love yourself, every flaw, every stretch mark, lump or wrinkle. Find you...she is wonderful. (Trust me, I know)


At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important to have happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now.