I'm sure there is no bloody axe in his trunk

Let’s face it, if you are actively dating, chances are that you’ve been on your share of bad dates. I’ve been dating for the past 4 years and have had more than my share of the bizarre and bad. It saddens me when I put that in perspective that in the past 4 years of equal time and emotional energy, someone else on the planet attained a College Degree. Ya, that kinda makes me want to rethink this whole dating thing. I've kissed more than my share of "Toads" and want to share what I've learned with you.

I went to therapy after getting divorced. Thier advice to me was to go out on a lot of dates, meet men out of my "type" and just go out for the experience of it. Looking back, I think she just told me this so that I'd keep coming back for therapy, probably true. However, now I get to share some of this insanity with you. It's truly incredible the things that have happened on this long quest to find love. Many ups and downs, heartbreak, and some stories that you really won't believe. Maybe you won't even believe that I'm still dating, but yes, oddly enough there is just enough hopeless romantic (stupidity) in me to keep looking.

As a semi-pro dater, I’ve come to categorize all "Toads" until I met him.....

I keep replaying that night in my head. It was about as perfect as a first night over would be. We laughed, we shared and there was so much passion. He is an incredible man, attractive, funny and kind. The hardest part would be not allowing myself to completely fall for this almost perfect man. I kept trying to think of what could be the hitch, is he gay, does he have a wife and kids back home, is there a bloody axe in his trunk? What the hell could it be, there had to be something...

The next day after he left I felt as if I was walking on a cloud. While I continued the day I just kept grinning about how perfect the night before was. I could literally feel my heart beating in my chest and I was hoping he was thinking of me too.

My phone on my nightstand buzzed that evening and I opened his text that said “Made it home; just thinking of you. Kiss Kiss” I smiled and went off to sleep with a huge smile on my face.

He was my first thought when my eyes opened the next morning I was hoping that everything that happened the days before weren't a dream.

That Monday morning started in a similar way , running aroung like crazy, taking my daughter to school, starting my errands, Yet, everything seemed more ideal somehow, the air around me was better,the birds sang and everything was just more beautiful. I sighed, feeling so happy, remembering him kissing me, us laughing together. It was hard to believe that everything could be so different in just a 24 hour period of time. I wouldn't even say I was smiling anymore, it was more like an ear to ear grin.

They say (whoever they are) that when you stop looking thats when something wonderful comes into your life. I was definitly not prepared for this brown eyed boy and it has thrown me for a loop. As the weeks have come to pass we have spent some incredible weekends together and I never thought that one smile could turn my bitter heart around. He came into my life and stopped me in my tracks. He reminds me what it's like to be vulnerable again and to let down walls I have left up for years. He laughs at my jokes and calls me out on my BS he is someone I have been waiting to meet for so long. I did find his something wrong; he lives 4 hours away :-/ but is distance really an issue when you meet someone who isn't like the rest? I am not sure yet.

SO it feels great knowing we will see each other soon. I'm so excited to see where this goes and tell myself, "I'm sure there is no bloody axe in his trunk" or anything else to be concerned about. I am putting myself out there this time in high hopes that I won't be writing a bad bash to this blog soon but I know it is not in my hands nor would I want it to be so for now this story is to be continued ....

One Night Stand....

I read all the best love stories by the age of sixteen, I thought I had found my salvation. By my senior year in high school, I felt like I had already had my share of crappy dating experiences, from the kid I dated freshman year who insisted on always wearing his varsity jacket when he had lettered in nothing, to the junior prom where I thought my best friend was secretly in love with me when he asked to be my date, only to publicly find out that was not the case. These experiences could have sucked, except, as I learned from all my single role models, from the hapless love stories to the outwardly glamorous and inwardly crazy Sex and the City ladies, dates should suck. It seemed to me, that the more intelligent and self-possessed a woman, the less she can navigate traditional boy-meets-girl setups. But that's all part of my charm, until I find the guy who falls in love with me.

A week or so back I had a friend talk to me about when women want a One Night Stand.

As always, I dug deep and asked some single women in my network about their thoughts on a One Night Stand.… Every female I spoke with I pretty much got the same responses from all. Out of all the women, maybe 2 had never had a one night stand BUT said they had considered it and attempted it a few times. From the other women, each of them used the words “I decided…” when describing their one night stands. I thought this was really interesting. This was interesting to me, cause what I think I discovered from my questioning was that most one night stands for women are PRE MEDITATED!!! Or at least women like to think so.

When it comes to one-night stands, men and women are poles apart. Guys just want, well, you know, while gals go to bed with the false impression of flattery and a craving for a feeling.

Most women when having a one night stand pre meditate it. The most common excuse is coming off a broken heart, insecure and wanted to just DO IT cause they thought it would shake the sad feelings. Never a good idea. BUT we tip toe into it anyway… Why? Because it’s fun, exciting, we go with the night and feel really, really good!!!! These are guys you meet while your out and there is an instant, fun and exciting connection. They aren’t guys who ask about your job or family during your meeting. They are guys who are light, exciting and just plain old fun! Ones who pull you into a world of excitment and enjoyment. It almost seems fitting to make out with them and be part of a fantasy world.
Sometimes, that is all women are looking for! A great guy to blow off steam with!

NOW FOR YOUR WARNING FRIENDS!!!

There are some people that you will not want to have a one night stand with because of the possible repercussions. At the top of this list is your co-workers. Your place of employment is great for meeting people to have relationships with, but a one night stand with a co-worker could make any future interactions with the two of you awkward. Other people to avoid when looking for a casual night of fun are friends, friends of your family, friends of your friends and especially friends' exes. These sorts of flings can come back to haunt you in numerous ways.

In conclusion most women are not hooking up in an effort to secure a long-term relationship, but because they feel flattered by the overnight proposition.

The next day they were mistaken.

Faith is a funny thing....

“You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, a white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true…”

My heart hurts as I write today’s blog, but not for myself. As most of you know I have been divorced for almost 4 years. I endured a lot of hard times and my marriage broke me down to the point I thought I would never return to who I was. I am fortunate in those times the people that surrounded me showed me compassion and held a mirror to my face to remind me how beautiful and great I was. They laughed at my jokes and cried with me in pain. I never returned to the Heather that I was before my marriage but, I did become someone even better than she ever was.

This blog is not about me though. I felt a lot of pain in those years but recently some of my best friends (my sisters if you will) are going through some of the same or maybe their stories are slightly different but I for some reason feel my heart breaking to pieces as their world changes around them. My girlfriend and I were talking the other day and we laughed because the reality of it is if you are so tied to a person and connected so emotionally you truly know what it is like to be so happy when their happy and to break when they break to miss someone because they are missing someone. As I sit here and think of these amazing women I think She is my friend. She's my family. My insides. She will be fine because she has to be fine. That's how important she is to me. To these women I know you may feel, deep down, that you're somehow flawed or broken. Wronged or fooled. Here is my advice to you..

Today is a new start I know that these days in your life seem like the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. Keep your head up and remember that this pain will not last forever even though it feels like it will.

Look at this time as an opportunity to restart your life, but on your terms. Take time to look to the future and think about what you really want (not what you think others expect you to be or do) and come up with a vision of your ideal new life. Then ask yourself "how" you can achieve that.

Don't allow others to make light of your situation. Don't lose your morals, ethics and values

Be aware of your vulnerability

Stick close to those who love you!

Do whatever you feel like doing. You know what you need the most...better than anyone. If you need flowers, buy them. Candles, light them. A walk, go for one. Go shopping, take a bath, listen to relaxing music, get a massage. You deserve it!

And lastly, learn to love yourself, every flaw, every stretch mark, lump or wrinkle. Find you...she is wonderful. (Trust me, I know)


At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important to have happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now.

Holding on for dear life...

I never thought that I would be holding onto him for dear life. I wanted so bad to tell him to leave, to stop contacting me, to never speak to me again. I could never force the words out of my mouth.

I believe a lot of people struggle to release someone that just hinders us from moving on. I’m a great woman, wonderful mom, amazing personality, and guess what I happen to not suck at loving someone either. Yet, I have heard all the excuses and compliments that you could ever dream of giving someone. So what drives them to crush you in that way, to put you on a pedestal they don’t intend to stand by?

Here is the scene: One day you meet him. A numbing relationship right from the start. Conversation is easier than it’s ever been, dates are extremely amazing, and you know early on he is like no one you have ever met before. You know the type. He thinks you’re gorgeous in sweats, he has the typical perfect family and well, he is flawless and doesn’t even know it! You find yourself letting down the walls and letting him in. He’s perfect! He would never hurt you and you’re crazy if you think he would right?

You enjoy your perfect moments together the way he comforts you when you’re down, the way your lips fit his perfectly, everything down to the simplest conversations. Lying in bed, on his chest as he brushes his fingers through your hair. You have finally found someone that makes your heart smile and know that he feels the same.
Than one day it happens. The moment he starts pulling away, the day you never thought would come. “It’s not you, it’s me”, “I’m scared and don’t think I’m ready for all you have to offer”, or the most shattering… “You’re amazing, I don’t deserve you” Wow…Really??!!

Some people beg and plead with that person. . What went wrong, we can work it all out, I can be whatever you need and then some women push back the pain... smile and simply say, “Have a great life.”

The day comes when he can’t get you out of his head ( Oh yes the day will come ) he thinks he might have made a phenomenal mistake but he is unsure so you get that text, call, or knock on the door. He reminds you that you’re amazing, that you’re beautiful and he can’t imagine not having you in his life BUT he keeps you at a distance or ask you to be patient. Making you wonder why he even came back around. As you start to say something, your heart stops. You realize you long to hear the words that will continue to come out of his mouth.

You never thought that you would be holding onto him for dear life. You want so bad to tell him to leave, to stop contacting you, to never speak to you again…

So here is what I know now. I won't force myself to have space in his life because if he knew my worth, he would create it for me.

When someone isn't willing to make time and space for you in their life, it is usually because they don't respect how special of a person that you really are. They may truly like or love you, but we must all remember that showing love to someone is more than just telling them it every once in a while. Don't force yourself to have space in a person's life that doesn’t recognize your worth. Release them…

The One That Got Away..

Even after a woman is married (or otherwise informally attached), it is perfectly normal for that woman to still wonder about the men of romances past. Certain questions might occasionally cross that woman's mind: What might have happened if I had ended up with Mr. High-School Heartthrob? Where is Mr. Crush today? Or, was my true 'Mr. Right' truly the One & Only? Considering the current lives of these past men does not mean that we are stuck in the past or that we don't love the one we're with. It does not make us cheaters; it makes us human. For most of us, there is always that special man from our past who we label as The One That Got Away.

His name was Mr. Pacific...

I am not quite even sure how it happened. One day, we are working alongside each other as coworkers; the next, we are bringing each other home to meet mom. One minute, he's introducing himself during our shift; the next, he's going out of his way to pass me to say hi and smile. The two of us always volunteered to work at unnecessary places on the worst floor. Then, we would walk out of the together, usually chatting and flirting next to our cars until long after the parking lot was empty.

For the most part, our relationship was completely platonic—a few times, it progressed to something more. But of course, time would pass, I would go back to my town and him to his, and the relationship would be forced to end. However, he always appeared again, Mr. Pacific and I would always be drawn to each other, unable to fight the chemistry between us. But, since we knew how much it would hurt when the short time was over, we didn't talk about the future; we would never express how much we felt.. Short romances seemed to be our fate.. atleast for the time being.


I do not blame either of us for letting go. He was 23, and I was only 19 . So young, having to make big decisions—we cannot be expected to make the right one every time. And who knows? Maybe it was the right decision. Maybe it was only a short romance, and we were supposed to move on to new futures. We might have never worked out. However, even after all these years, when I think about the characters of my past, he has always been "the one that got away" in my love story.

We started chatting one day recently, and I finally got up the courage to ask him:
"Why did you let me go? Why didn't you demand that I stay? I was crazy about you—I would have stayed there with you."

He surprised me completely with his reply:
"I didn't ask because I didn't know you wanted me to. Why didn't you ask me to stay there with you? I was crazy about you too—I would have followed you wherever you went."

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. I know that I was meant be married, I was meant to get divorced, and I was meant to be hurt beyond belief by many people for a reason. So I have to wonder — was "the one that got away" meant only to be a part of my past? Or is there a reason he suddenly reappears into my future time and time again? Maybe, I'm not yet supposed to know.


PS This blog post was extremely difficult to write for a couple of reasons. First, it forces me to face my true feelings for him. He has a part of my heart. Secondly, the transparency of writing a blog like this, practically in real time makes it difficult to keep a “poker face” in real life. Whew, hard stuff. . .

To the girl who will replace me...

There are just a couple of things that I thought I should tell you. I learned these while I was the object of your guy's affection.
First of all, don't be frightened if he smothers much more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if he treats you much better than any other guy you have ever met. And let it not scare you that he will actually listen carefully to every word you say, even when you're just speaking quietly. Also, you should know that he remembers everything you will say. He's hurt easily, especially by the painful words a careless girl will say. If you do hurt him, then you'll have to pay the price of seeing the broken look in his passionate and deep brown eyes, and watch the light in them fade. But if this happens, all is not lost- a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything. And please, don’t say I love you to him, unless you really mean it, nothing hurts him more then someone who really doesn’t care. Sometimes, he won't tell you what he is feeling, but... just know that he is protecting you and if you ever feel that something isn't right, just look into his beautiful brown eyes and you will be able to see into him. You can see everything he is feeling, everything he is thinking, everything that isn't right with him... He won't ever try to hurt you, because he just isn't that way, so please don't hurt him because if you do, I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than knowing that you have the boy that I love and knowing that you hurt him. You should know that if you two ever get into a fight, just make sure you pick only the ones worth fighting for... He will always keep his temper and will never curse at you or call you names, despite the anger he may be feeling. Though he may act mature, most of the time, once he's given you his heart, he will begin to open up to you and his silliness will make your heart smile, in a way that words can not explain. Don't hold a tight grip on him, let him go and be part of the world and experience new things. You will find that he is a busy guy and that he is so very independent. Sometimes, he will need his space, but don't worry... He'll always make time for you and even when you're not around, you'll be in his thoughts. You will find that he isn't like any other guy that you have met, so please don't take him for granite. Remember, and even though he won't admit it, he really does like to be surprised. He is less tough than he may appear, you just have to take the time and let him bring down his guard... He is so sweet and so amazing and know that if you ever leave him, you will break his heart apart, the same way that my heart breaks apart, as I sit here writing this to you. Don't ever try to pull him away from his dreams. He is going to be an extremely successful man and won't ever let you give up on your dreams, either. He will encourage you to become everything you can be and will never, ever let you down. He likes it when you kiss his ear and nothing is better than hugging each other. Just watch how your hand will fit perfectly into his and when it does, it seems as if nothing in the world could hurt you, because he is there. And when he puts his arms around you and tells you that you are the girl he loves, you will know, there isn't any guy in the world better than him... Don't ever let him go. You will regret doing so, for the rest of time... I promise, you will.

A month into the New Year. . .And im being tested

One month into the New Year has me thinking,

Three.
Two.
One.

The ball drops . . . Resolutions are made.
People scream and people kiss and is it possible to change?
Is it really truly possible to leave the past behind?

Welcome to Midnight.

Another year comes to a close. Another year begins.
With a moment in between.
Why the fuss?
Why the fame and fireworks?
Is it more than hype? More than something else to sell us?
Is there something to this holiday? Something true inside it?
Because isn't there something inside us that aches for change year round?...
Dreams it to be possible...
To let go.
To hold on.
To leave it behind.
To start again.
To be new.
Is it possible?

If you're reading this, if there's air in your lungs, then you're alive today , tonight right now.,
And who can know how long we have here...
Are there things to fight to live for?
Moments and people... Weddings and children and all your different dreams...
Love...
Is your life more than just your own?
And are there broken things you were made to fight to fix?
Broken families, broken friends... Injustice.
Will you move for things that matter?

Wouldn't it be nice if change took just a moment?
Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?